And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
