dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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