so that wasnt chicken after all
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
