I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
