worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Farmville is her only friend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
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