I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
