tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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