Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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