He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
