Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
