You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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