I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
