I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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