JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
