You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
