I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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