The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
