Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
