4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
