And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
