dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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