woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
