So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
