His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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