its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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