i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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