and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
