Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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