i'm signing you up for texting rehab
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
