you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
