Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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