I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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