Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
