my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
