i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
