So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think your dad took our porno
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
