We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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