i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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