Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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