we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
