she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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