You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
