i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
