He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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