No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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