bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
