As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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