remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
