I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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