Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
