My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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