went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
