6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
