highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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