She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
