I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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