Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
