Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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